DID YOU KNOW THIS ABOUT MOMBASA?

1. MOMBASA PEOPLE 'ARE LAZY'

From the outset, it may seem so. What with all the heat in this town, the stereotyping and unending jokes about Mombasa? And talking of jokes, this one refuses to go away; Wapwani bado wanangoja ‘embe dodo’ lianguke mchangani! (Loosely translated: Coastarians are too lazy to even climb a mango tree to pick fruit, they have to wait for it to fall on the ground). I’m yet to see folks doing that, by the way. It's a deep-seated stereotype in the minds of many Kenyans, but on this one, you need to wear other lenses to see a different Mombasa. There are thousands of industrious residents here who despite the heat, work hard to ensure the town does not run low on supply of goods and services.

The iconic Ivory Towers in Mombasa. Photo ~ Courtesy

They are the ones who make your visit here possible.  Well, there are some spoilt brats here and there who fall into that ‘lazy’ category.   

But there is a DISCLAIMER on how to handle them; If you tell them they are lazy (whether as a joke or a fact) they will roast you alive. 

2. THE HEAT 

It becomes tricky when you decide to hit the gym to shed weight. You don’t want to go to some dingy gym with poor ventilation, because with all the coastal heat, you will long for that cool breeze to sweep over you! 

A Tuk Tuk on Mombasa's Moi Avenue. Photo ~ Courtesy

When you visit the coast and complain about the heat to a local, you will most probably be greeted with this well-choreographed response “Hata una bahati sana, leo hakuna joto, umepata kuna baridi!” Buda umechochwa! 

3. TAARAB MUSIC EVERYWHERE

No. You will not find Taarab music, or chakacha, bango or any other genre of coastal music playing on every other street to remind you where you are. This is contrary to the feeling you get after watching those Taarab music shows on TV (they are very few these days) or listen to the same on radio. The hosts, mostly smooth talking Swahili women make you feel like if you don’t listen to good Taarab, your coastal experience is incomplete. True? Not quite…But if you listen keenly to get the nuances hidden in lyrics and everyday talk, it will save you some embarrassment you would have faced if a local called you bad names with a smile on the face, as is the habit of some. Otherwise, others will just laugh at you while you stand there clueless.

4. SPEAKING FLUENT SWAHILI

Some, upon learning they’re heading to Coast, some start polishing their Swahili; sijui misamiati, methali, upupu, mbaazi, pojo, goji girba girba goji …. Others start including the accent as well as polite words in their vocabulary (naomba unisaidie…) in matters they would ordinarily be issuing orders, such as buying goods at a retail shop. Good for you. But why is it that guys stop trying after just a day? Just be yourself. Swahili is a beautiful language, especially if you know it well well.

5. CAN WE EVER GET ENOUGH OF SWAHILI FOODS?

There is no doubt about this, Swahili food is probably the best in the country, coming second after my mother’s cooking. But I digress. When  you are in places such as Nairobi, you need to go to any joint having the initials ‘Lamu, Swahili, Coast, Malindi Dishes/foods’ to get a feel of their food. 

BUT when you come to Mombasa, DON’T go to such places. NEVER EVER. You will pay way too much, for an experience you will not get. Nikutobolee siri…There are known food joints that have very good Biriani, Babu kachir, Shawarma, Vitobosha, mapochopocho mengine, Juice ya Ukwaju, which may not be that popular……Ask around, the locals will show you. Very reasonable prices, and where you get to experience the real Swahili life/talk.

6. IS THE FERRY STILL A TOURIST ATTRACTION?

One of the ferries at the Likoni Crossing. Photo ~ Courtesy

There is a saying among locals; MPELEKE AKASHANGAE FERI! It refers to those from upcountry who have the habit of going to marvel at the Likoni Ferry Channel. Locals here find that very funny  ‘DUDE KUBWA LA ZAMA LAKINI HALIZAMI AISEE’ (That old huge vessel that doesn’t sink). 

Anyway truth be told, if you’ve never boarded a ferry, you need to. I’m told some board, then stay on board as the ferry makes several rounds from end to end. If you must do this, first watch my story about it here and make an informed decision! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OTfsjHTGSm4 .Before I forget, PHOTOGRAPHY is NOT allowed at the Ferry, unless you are an accredited journalist (for which you will have some explaining to do).

7. MOMBASA SI MTWAPA!

I’ve heard people make phone calls to friends and relatives upcountry, saying ‘Tunajienjoy sana hapa Mtwapa, hii Mombasa imetulia vizuri bro’. Not just Mtwapa, others replace the Mtwapa in the above sentence with Diani/Ukunda, Lamu, Malindi, Kwale, Watamu, Wasini, etc. But my friend, those places are NOT Mombasa. Mombasa is just a part of  Pwani. If you are not very sure, or you find reading the map ‘Old School’, just use the word Pwani for Coast. You will be safe, the message will sink anyway to the guy on the other side.

8. SWAHILI WOMEN

There are many myths about them. That if you get one from a certain community here, you will be showered with love and even forget where you came from. I can go on and on. This is a contentious subject, and some research is underway... Keep it here….